Frequent Mistakes While Dating

Doreen Washington
Author & Columnist

There are common mistakes made frequently when dating. We have characteristics and certain temperaments that drive us to disregard these signs while dating which could possible lead to an unhappy, unhealthy and unfulfilled relationship. These listed below are to encourage us to acknowledge the signs which are designed to direct us, lead us and get us to our destination safely.  I am unaware of any sign made to direct us into an open hole or a deep ditch.  Hopefully this will help you to pay attention while dating and think soberly.  Do not ignore the red flags and the flashing lights that screams "warning" as you continue dating.

Have fun as you go through these steps.



Opening The Gate Too Soon

While dating we sometimes are pressured or persuaded to begin an intimate relationship to soon. In doing so this clouds our judgement, seals and binds us together emotionally, physically and mentally before we can take a good look at things. We begin to lose our sense of reasoning and our thoughts are based on the heart. We are unable to think clearly leading us to ignore some signs which may already be evident. We are now bond and sealed with intimacy and we have not allowed ourselves the time to be a fruit inspector or to judge ones character.  It's still not to late - keep a watch out. 

Kept Secrets or The Unwillingness To Divulge Information
While dating it is imperative to get to know each other. Sometimes this may come by the way of information that is unpleasant to divulge. Hesitation on children, career, martial status, credit history, the number of most recent partners, etc., could be a hint that there may be trouble brewing or which may lay closer to your relationship than you may wish. Withholding such information or being dishonest in this regard is a flaw and forces you to continue a relationship without having all the facts. Be aware and notice the signs.


Character Flaw - Lying

We as women have a loving and caring heart.  We love hard and continually provide the benefit of the doubt when its not warranted and when the lies are clear.  We make the mistake of accepting lies while dating which are covered up by excuses.  While dating we desire a lasting love and romance relationship and thus it could be flawed by lies.  None of us want a relationship filled with lies.  We desire honesty in addition to the romance, etc.  While dating we have been stood up on numerous occasions - being given a variety of excuses without even a call being made.  He's always missing in action.  He works nearly 24 hours a day and is always tied or sleeping - leaving designated days in the week in which he can see you.  Never can spend any money - checks always docked or late.  Pay attention to the signs.  Those that lie usually cheat as well.  Is this the type of relationship long term you desire?

Accepting Cheating

Unless this is your type of relationship, accepting the signs of cheating or accepting the act of it is a frequent mistake in which we make.  We all are aware of "everyone makes mistakes", but if all the signs are present of a cheating relationship and we fail to address it or accept the excuses or lies then most likely it will continue. We have to expose the cheater and without doing so we have provided approval without saying so.  When we accept such behaviors we are in fact nourishing it and permitting it to grow.  If you don't want this, then don't accept it or its' excuses.  Don't turn a deaf ear and blind eye.

Signs Of Anger 

Anger is a very dangerous thing.  It could start with something as little as being agitated.  It directs its' affections toward those closest to them and those who are most vulnerable.  Ignoring the anger sign could lead us into a pit that's dark and ugly.  If he is easily agitated by you being late, or pressure on the job, or a competition lost, or has very bad road rage or just by you saying "no" to what he thinks should be "yes", this is a sign we are unable to afford to miss.  We desire a loving, caring and healthy relationship and with making the frequent mistake of accepting the behavior could lead to a dysfunctional and traumatic lifestyle that you may find difficult to come out of.  See the warning sign, stop it in its tracks and drive to safety.

Trust

This is also a mistake made frequently.  We have a way of faking ourselves out.  We bury our feelings and try to go on as usual when usual is the farthest from the truth.  We must learn to be first honest with ourselves before we can be honest with others.  Once trust ha been violated or broken it takes time, healing and sometimes counsel in order to get it back.  We have the right to be honest enough to express this.  We tend to harbor this deep within ourselves and toughing up on our emotions to protect ourselves instead of dealing with the hurt, pain and betrayal of trust.  We must try to express our emotions and feelings while getting to know him.  If trust has been violated - we need to express this and notice where this express leads.  Trust your instincts.

Habits

We all have those annoying habits that drive others up a wall, but I would say pay attention to habits that you have made the decision to live without.  While dating or getting to know someone don't decide to dump or abandoned your habit list that you have decided to live without.  Do not cross them off your list - it will surely come back to haunt you later.  Stick to your guns!  You have every right to want a relationship with someone who doesn't smoke, or drink, or someone with good body cleanliness or doesn't curse like a sailor.  This isn't a sign of being to picky but a sign of securing some normalcy within your relationship without hindrance before it get started.  Do not let the longing for love, romance and a long lasting relationship cloud your judgement and allow you to drop your standards.  Remember if you don't want a smoker than a smoker will only get under your skin. 

Compromising "Us"

I believe this to be a sudle mistake that can be missed.  This sneaks up on us and unless we're seeing the signs we will miss them.  We as women tend to ignore how others treat us because we don't treat ourselves well.  We drop and compromise our standards because it easier to do so rather than to face the truth sometime.  We lack in self love which is being hidden behind the hair, nails, clothes,etc., so when he compromises us within our dating relationship we miss it.  When he will throw you under the bus to save himself on every occasion, he has compromised us leaving feeling worthless.  Teach others how to treat you.

Dating A Married Man

Now ladies, this is absolutely a no-no, if we are aware of this.  Red flags should go up that if he would do it to his wife why wouldn't he do it do you.  There are ways to detect a married man and we all know what they are. This individual doesn't belong to you - he belong to another whether he's physically with her or not.  It isn't advisable no matter how far into the dating period you are  - it's a no-no.  This relationship could never be a honest one because it began with cheating and lies.  In most cases we are aware of the spouse but choose to begin a dating relationship regardless.  There is someone waiting to love you. You only have to be patient and not settle for someone husband.  Jump ship and sail home alone.

Cheap

If you are hoping the man you're dating will be long term, it's really important to pay close attention to his spending habits and the comments which are being made when spending.  If you like nice things which we all do - you better pay close attention to this one.  If he rather take you to a fast food restaurant for dinner regularly, or complains about the cost of a .70 candy bar or when you are finding yourself being asked to pay over and beyond for items, occasions and or trips, you may be looking at someone who may hesitates to be a provider.  We are all aware that in today's society and economy it usually takes two incomes to make the home work and if this is true with you pay close attention, it's a good chance that you may have a fight on your hands later on.

We Are Woman! 

These are just a few hints an tips to pay attention to while dating.  They are frequent mistakes that we all have made some time or another.  It's time to learn from the last and pay attention to the signs from this one.  You don't have to compromise but recognize the signs.  Let us be proactive while playing the dating game.  Set your course for determining if we are compatible with those in which we are dating.  It's not enough to go on good looks and in fact without looking to eliminate some of these frequent mistakes while dating you are setting your own selves up for a short term relationship leaving you possibly disappointed once again.  Be a good steward of your heart.